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Her acceptance of my actions last night lifted a weight off my shoulders. Still, there was something in the back of my mind nagging at me. What was it? ........The rest of Sunday passed in the usual Sunday way. I managed to cross off some items from my to-do list and Jenny cleaned, straightened, and tinkered. The nagging from somewhere in my mind remained.At dinner, my mind returned to thoughts of sex. For some reason, I was reminded of the way Woody Allen described it. When the then young comedian was asked if sex was dirty, he famously replied, "Yes - if you do it right!" This was of course years before his step-daughter marriage scandal.I asked Jenny about getting together with Sal again; maybe next Saturday. "That won't be possible," she said. "Sal is going on a ten-day holiday starting Wednesday. He won't be back for 2 weeks, counting the 4th of July. He did, however, leave me the name and address of a lounge/bar he thought we might like to try. He said. Too long thinking alone always camearound to this sooner or later.~Don't listen to him. Remember!~I tried to, flickering images of my friends and myself. In each of thememories, a ghostly-pale Goth girl with shining scarlet eyes pointed to something kind I had all-but forgotten.#But why do you do these things? For yourself. You listen to their woesand say all the right things to make them go away. You're nice becauseit's expected of you, because you feel good for doing it. You're aselfish little man and nothing will ever change that.# The voicesounded triumphant. Here was where it always won.The ghost-girl spoke to me as he watched, gloating at my impendingdefeat. She gently chided me for thinking that, as if I was a child andthe void itself seemed to smile reassuringly down on us as she spoke.~Good and evil are in the intentions and your intentions have alwayswere pure.~She started through a litany of deeds, explaining each one and witheach one the voice seemed to whimper and shrink.
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